I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
