i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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