I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
