Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
