At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
