If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
