does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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