all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
