Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
