walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
