We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
