Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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