they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
