i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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