im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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