i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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