I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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