She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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