i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
