just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
