you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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