he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
