Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
