Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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