peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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