if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
