she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Randomize
