Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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