So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
