I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
