they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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