Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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