Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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