One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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