I looked at my own cervix.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
