i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
