Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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