Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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