So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
