not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
