I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
