she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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