Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
