bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Non-Jews are for practice
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just high enough for therapy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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