i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
