I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
