you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
