I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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