Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
