Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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